Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
Woody Allen (Born 1935)
Don't knock masturbation -- it's sex with someone I love.
Woody Allen (Born 1935)
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Woody Allen (Born 1935)
I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Woody Allen (Born 1935)
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it by not dying!
Woody Allen (Born 1935)
I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go down and meet them with baseball bats.
Woody Allen (Born 1935) , on the KKK
I took a speed reading course and read 'war and peace' in twenty minutes. IT involves Russia.
Woody Allen (Born 1935)
I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
Woody Allen (Born 1935)
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
Woody Allen (Born 1935)
In my family, the biggest sin was to buy retail.
Woody Allen (Born 1935)
