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 :: 1861-1951, American Columnist

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Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
~ Phyllis Diller - [Children]

 

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Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
~ Phyllis Diller - [Humor]

 

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Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
~ Phyllis Diller - [Housework]

 

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I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
~ Phyllis Diller - [Words]

 

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Never go to bed angry, stay up and fight.
~ Phyllis Diller - [Anger]

 

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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age -- as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
~ Phyllis Diller - [Marriage]

 

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