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 :: 1927-, American Author, Humorist

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Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
~ Erma Bombeck - [Success]

 

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Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide.
~ Erma Bombeck - [Comedy and Comedians]

 

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I am not a glutton -- I am an explorer of food.
~ Erma Bombeck - [Control]

 

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I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: ''Checkout Time is 18 years.''
~ Erma Bombeck - [Parents and Parenting]

 

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It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.
~ Erma Bombeck - [Children]

 

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It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
~ Erma Bombeck - [Courage]

 

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Never accept a drink from a Urologist.
~ Erma Bombeck - [Alcohol and Alcoholism]

 

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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
~ Erma Bombeck - [Doctors]

 

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Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
~ Erma Bombeck - [Children]

 

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The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heaving breathing again.
~ Erma Bombeck - [Exercise]

 

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When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, ''I used everything you gave me.''.
~ Erma Bombeck - [Talent]

 

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You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.
~ Erma Bombeck - [Family]

 

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