2,400,000 Americans play the accordion - hopefully not at the same time.
Inside of a Pepsi cap

America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair.
Arnold Toynbee 

America is the country where you buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for one dollar, and use it up in two weeks.
Anonymous 

America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.
Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) 

America is the only nation in history which miraculously has gone directly from barbarism to degeneration without the usual intervention of civilization.
George Clemenceau 

America's one of the finest countries anyone ever stole.
Bobcat Goldthwait 

An asylum for the sane would be empty in America.
Anonymous 

And so, my fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.
John F. Kennedy (1917-1963) 

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
Jackie Mason 

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
Robert Orben