I envy people who drink -- at least they know what to blame everything on.
Oscar Levant 

I have a great diet. You're allowed to eat anything you want, but you must eat it with naked fat people.
Ed Bluestone 

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?"
Jay Leno 

If the headache would only precede the intoxication, alcoholism would be a virtue.
Samuel Butler 

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
Rodney Dangerfield 

I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often, but I'm well preserved.
Rose Kennedy  , (1890-1995) family matriarch, on her 100th birthday, 1991

Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.
Rita Rudner 

My mother's menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.
Buddy Hackett 

Never eat more than you can lift.
Miss Piggy  , character on "The Muppet Show," U.S. television show

No man in the world has more courage than the man who can stop after eating one peanut.
Channing Pollack