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 :: 1935-, American Director, Screenwriter, Actor, Comedian

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A ''Bay Area Bisexual'' told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
~ Woody Allen - [Sex]

 

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A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
~ Woody Allen - [Relationships]

 

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Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she would come in and sink my boats.
~ Woody Allen - [Maturity]

 

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Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.
~ Woody Allen - [Punishment]

 

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Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.
~ Woody Allen - [Comedy and Comedians]

 

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Eighty percent of success is showing up.
~ Woody Allen - [Success]

 

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I am at two with nature.
~ Woody Allen - [Nature]

 

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I don't believe in an after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
~ Woody Allen - [Death and Dying]

 

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I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I have a tendency to... if I get too mellow, I ripen and then rot.
~ Woody Allen - [Drugs]

 

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I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
~ Woody Allen - [Immortality]

 

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I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
~ Woody Allen - [Comedy and Comedians]

 

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I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
~ Woody Allen - [Love]

 

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I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final. You know, I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
~ Woody Allen - [Metaphysics]

 

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I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead -- not sick, not wounded -- dead.
~ Woody Allen - [Food and Eating]

 

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I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.
~ Woody Allen - [Club]

 

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I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
~ Woody Allen - [Death and Dying]

 

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I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.
~ Woody Allen - [Intelligence and Intellectuals]

 

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If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
~ Woody Allen - [Movies]

 

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If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
~ Woody Allen - [Skepticism]

 

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If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe.
~ Woody Allen - [Risk]

 

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