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I was doing stand-up at a restaurant and there was a chalkboard on the street out front. It said, ''Soup of the Day: Cream of Asparagus. Ellen DeGeneres.''
~ Ellen DeGeneres - [Comedy and Comedians]


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You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.
~ Ellen DeGeneres - [Health]


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