“Can we talk?”
“There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.”
“My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.”
“I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes -- and six months later you have to start all over again.”
“Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.”
“I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through one door, I'll go through another door -- or I'll make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.”