“If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on a vacation.”
“If there is anything a public servant hates to do it is something for the public.”
“The safest way to double your money is to fold over once and put it in your pocket.”
“A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.”
“The election is not very far off when a candidate can recognize you across the street.”
“Beauty is only skin deep, but it's a valuable asset if you're poor or haven't any sense.”
“It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.”
“Peace has its victories no less than war, but it doesn't have as many monuments to unveil.”
“It ain't a bad plan to keep still occasionally even when you know what you're talking about.”
“My idea of walking into the jaws of death is marrying some woman who has lost three husbands.”
“If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest.”
“One of the commonest mistakes is thinking your worries are over when your children get married.”
“There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it?”
“It's going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the earth after they inherit it.”
“The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.”
“I do not look for much to come out of government ownership as long as we have Democrats and Republicans.”
“Why doesn't the fellow who says, ''I'm no speechmaker'' let it go at that instead of giving a demonstration?”
“After a fellow gets famous it does not take long for someone to bob up that used to sit next to him in school.”
“I will say this for adversity: people seem to be able to stand it, and that is more than I can say for prosperity.”
“Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while.”
“Getting talked about is one of the penalties for being pretty, while being above suspicion is about the only compensation for being homely.”