“Gray hair is God's graffiti.”
“Parents are not quite interested injustice, they are interested in quiet.”
“There is no labor a person does that is undignified; if they do it right.”
“I wasn't always black... There was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger.”
“A word to the wise isn't necessary, it is the stupid ones who need all the advice.”
“I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.”
“That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle the Vatican has overlooked.”
“The very first law in advertising is to avoid the concrete promise and cultivate the delightfully vague.”
“Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.”
“No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.”
“If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.”
“Nothing separates the generations more than music. By the time a child is eight or nine, he has developed a passion for his own music that is even stronger than his passions for procrastination and weird clothes.”