“The opera is to music what a bawdy house is to a cathedral.”
“Injustice is relatively easy to bear what stings is justice.”
“Opera in English, is about as sensible as baseball in Italian.”
“A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.”
“Love is the delusion that one man or woman differs from another.”
“To be in love is merely to be in a perpetual state of anesthesia.”
“A gentlemen is one who never strikes a woman without provocation.”
“It is a sin to believe evil of others, but it is seldom a mistake.”
“I go on working for the same reason that a hen goes on laying eggs.”
“Life is a constant oscillation between the sharp horns of dilemmas.”
“Self-respect: the secure feeling that no one, as yet, is suspicious.”
“Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.”
“On one issue at least, men and women agree; they both distrust women.”
“When women kiss it always reminds one of prize-fighters shaking hands.”
“A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.”
“If I ever marry it will be on a sudden impulse, as a man shoots himself.”
“Conscience is the inner voice which warns us that someone may be looking.”
“The truth that survives is simply the lie that is pleasantest to believe.”
“A nun, at best, is only half a woman, just as a priest is only half a man.”
“It is the dull man who is always sure, and the sure man who is always dull.”
“A celebrity is one who is known to many persons he is glad he doesn't know.”
“After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known quotations.”
“For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong.”
“Democracy is also a form of religion. It is the worship of jackals by jackasses.”
“The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.”
“Let's not burn the universities yet. After all, the damage they do might be worse.”
“Man weeps to think that he will die so soon; woman, that she was born so long ago.”
“Theology is the effort to explain the unknowable in terms of the not worth knowing.”
“Archbishop -- A Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ.”
“The common argument that crime is caused by poverty is a kind of slander on the poor.”