“There's only one thing that can kill the movies, and that's education.”
“Get someone else to blow your horn and the sound will carry twice as far.”
“The Income Tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.”
“You never know how much a man can't remember until he is called as a witness.”
“One revolution is like one cocktail, it just gets you organized for the next.”
“The short memories of American voters is what keeps our politicians in office.”
“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.”
“The nation is prosperous on the whole, but how much prosperity is there in a hole?”
“I wonder if it isn't just cowardice instead of generosity that makes us give tips.”
“So live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.”
“Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated.”
“Mona Lisa is the only beauty who went through history and retained her reputation.”
“Broad-minded is just another way of saying a fellow is too lazy to form an opinion.”
“Our public men are speaking every day on something, but they ain't saying anything.”
“My ancestors didn't come over on the Mayflower, but they were there to meet the boat.”
“I like to hear a man talk about himself because then I never hear anything, but good.”
“There isn't any finer folks living than a Republican that votes the Democratic ticket.”
“We can't all be heroes, because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.”
“Politics is not worrying this country one-tenth as much as where to find a parking space.”
“You can't say that civilization don't advance... for in every war they kill you a new way.”
“I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they do today.”
“We are the first nation in the history of the world to go to the poorhouse in an automobile.”
“There is nothing so stupid as an educated man, if you get him off the thing he was educated in.”
“Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.”
“A man can learn only two ways, one by reading, and the other by association with smarter people.”
“With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law, and every time they make a law it's a joke.”
“There ain't nothing that breaks up homes, country, and nations like somebody publishing their memoirs.”
“Pain is such an uncomfortable feeling that even a tiny amount of it is enough to ruin every enjoyment.”
“The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets.”
“The Republicans have their splits right after election and Democrats have theirs just before an election.”