“The worst thing that happens to you may be the best thing for you if you don't let it get the best of you.”
“This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.”
“People are getting smarter nowadays; they are letting lawyers, instead of their conscience, be their guide.”
“Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.”
“It doesn't much signify whom one marries, for one is sure to find out the next morning that it was someone else.”
“Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you do not know when it is through if you are a crook or a martyr.”
“Every time a woman leaves off something she looks better, but every time a man leaves off something he looks worse.”
“The reason political party platforms are so long is that when you straddle anything it takes a long time to explain it.”
“When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad ones you did do -- well, that's Memoirs.”
“Don't gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up. If it don't go up, don't buy it.”
“In the early days of the Indian Territory, there were no such things as birth certificates. You being there was certificate enough.”
“The person with the best job in the country is the vice president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, ''How is the president?''”
“In Hollywood the woods are full of people that learned to write, but evidently can't read. If they could read their stuff, they'd stop writing.”
“The more you read and observe about this Politics thing, you got to admit that each party is worse than the other. The one that's out always looks the best.”
“The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf. Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you don't know when it's through if you are a crook or a martyr.”
“This country has gotten where it is in spite of politics, not by the aid of it. That we have carried as much political bunk as we have and still survived shows we are a super nation.”