Who said “When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad ones you…”?

“An autobiography is obituary in serial form with the last installment missing.”

“Every autobiography is concerned with two characters, a Don Quixote, the Ego, and a Sancho Panza, the Self.”

“All those writers who write about their own childhood! Gentle God, if I wrote about mine you wouldn't sit in the same room with me.”

“Members rise from CMG (known sometimes in Whitehall as ''Call Me God'') to KCMG (''Kindly Call Me God'') to GCMG (''God Calls Me God'').”

“I write fiction and I'm told it's autobiography, I write autobiography and I'm told it's fiction, so since I'm so dim and they're so smart, let them decide what it is or it isn't.”

“I never met a man I didn't like.”

“I tell you folks, all politics is applesauce.”

“Everybody is ignorant -- only on different subjects.”

“Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.”

“Communism is like prohibition, it's a good idea but it won't work.”

“Income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf.”