“Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.”
“If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.”
“When the blind lead the blind, no wonder they both fall into -- matrimony.”
“Where there is marriage without love, there will be love without marriage.”
“I've been married three times -- and each time I married the right person.”
“Marriage is like wine. It is not be properly judged until the second glass.”
“It is not from reason and prudence that people marry, but from inclination.”
“Marriage is the miracle that transforms a kiss from a pleasure into a duty.”
“It takes two to make a marriage a success and only one to make it a failure.”
“One was never married, and that's his hell; another is, and that's his plague.”
“Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.”
“Grief walks upon the heels of pleasure; married in haste, we repent at leisure.”
“The dread of loneliness is greater than the fear of bondage, so we get married.”
“When a husband is embraced without affection, there must be some reason for it.”
“Love is moral even without legal marriage, but marriage is immoral without love.”
“To be sure a stepmother to a girl is a different thing to a second wife to a man!”
“The lion and the calf will lay down together, but the calf won't get much sleep..”
“Marriage is a lottery in which men stake their liberty and women their happiness.”
“Once you are married, there is nothing for you, not even suicide, but to be good.”
“The deep, deep peace of the double-bed after the hurly-burly of the chaise-lounge.”
“Wives are young men's mistresses; companions for middle age, and old men's nurses.”
“Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.”
“A marriage without conflicts is almost as inconceivable as a nation without crises.”
“Marriage is the torment of one, the felicity of two, the strife and enmity of three.”
“Any young man who is unmarried at the age of twenty one is a menace to the community.”
“All marriages are happy it's living together afterwards that causes all the problems.”
“I never knew what real happiness was until I got married and by then it was too late.”
“The secret to a happy marriage is to tell your spouse everything, but the essentials.”
“Marriage isn't a process of prolonging the life of love, but of mummifying the corpse.”
“We love in others what we lack in ourselves, and would be everything, but what we are.”