“This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt.”
“Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day.”
“I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.”
“So that ends my first experience of matrimony, which I always thought a highly over-rated performance.”
“There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.”
“The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character.”
“When two people marry they become in the eyes of the law one person, and that one person is the husband!”
“Both marriage and death ought to be welcome: The one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures it.”
“I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives as much as if we had never married at all.”
“There is no more lovely, friendly, and charming relationship, communion, or company than a good marriage.”
“Only as far as a man is happily married to himself is he fit for married life and family life in general.”
“Marriage was all a woman's idea and for man's acceptance of the pretty yoke, it becomes us to be grateful.”
“Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.”
“I am thinking of taking a fifth wife. Why not? Solomon had a thousand wives and he is a synonym for wisdom.”
“Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner's inquest.”
“In marriage do thou be wise; prefer the person before money; virtue before beauty; the mind before the body.”
“Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and through the nose of the gentleman.”
“Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side.”
“I'm going to marry a Jewish woman because I like the idea of getting up Sunday morning and going to the deli.”
“If a man works like a horse for his money, there are a lot of girls anxious to take him down the bridal path.”
“Marriage is the operation by which a woman's vanity and a man's egotism are extracted without an anaesthetic.”
“It is a woman's business to get married as soon as possible, and a man's to keep unmarried as long as he can.”
“Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married?”
“Marrying to increase love is like gaming to become rich; alas, you only lose what little stock you had before.”
“In Hollywood all the marriages are happy, it's trying to live together afterwards that causes all the problems.”
“Marriage always demands the greatest understanding of the art of insincerity possible between two human beings.”
“Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out.”
“Marriage, for a woman at least, hampers the two things that made life to me glorious -- friendship and learning.”
“It doesn't much signify whom one marries, for one is sure to find out the next morning that it was someone else.”
“I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.”